I Don't Wanna Wear a Swimsuit

So the fam and I are departing for Bermuda tomorrow. We go about once a year or so and stay at my parents' place. It should be fun since my whole family will be there. Well, it'll be fun for the first few days. Then everyone will start getting on everyone's nerves, cause that's how my family works. I'm sure I'll have some fun stories.

But wearing a swimsuit will not be one of them. I am not looking forward to squeezing my gigantic butt, thunder thighs and stomach flab o' doom into a small piece of spandex. I am hoping to avoid doing that as much as possible. Should be really easy with a pool in the backyard and a beautful beach down the road, right? Why lay out in the sun and frolic in the sand and waves when I can cower in the house refusing to show any skin? Blah. I'm afraid that small children will see me thundering towards them on the beach and run away screaming for their mommies to protect them from the gigantic whale in a two-piece suit from Target.

Maybe I just won't eat this week. Then maybe I won't be able to gather all my stomach fat in two hands and shake shake shake it. Maybe I won't be afraid that the insides of my thighs rubbing together will start a fire with all the friction. Maybe I won't be able to lift up one butt cheek, drop it and feel it wobble for the next 5 minutes. Oh well. At least I have skinny fingers. Gotta take what I can get.

Anyway, must go pack. I'll rant about the time, energy and sheer genius it takes to pack for myself and two children another time. Who am I kidding...I pack for Eric too. I have to make sure he looks presentable.